backdated to August 9th @Jiang.Wanyin

[legbreakings]

Do raccoons hunt ducks, and if they don't, can they be trained to?

Comments

[porndealer]

It sounds like you might have to come to a truce with them. For her sake.

[The flick of a fan might be able to be heard, Huaisang is laying on his bed with the phone nearby as he tries not to melt.]

Toss out some food and maybe they'll go away?

[legbreakings]

No.

[ Some pouty silence because yeah it sure looks like the ducks aren't going away. And nobody has ideas how to weaponize the raccoons so he can say they did it, it wasn't him. ]

Throwing them food is how it started. I only had one duck. Then I threw my cake into the lake. Now they think I'm feeding them.

[porndealer]

[Jiang Cheng you asked publicly how to train raccoons to attack the ducks. You would be complacent in this massacre.]

Not thinking before you act, Jiang-xiong, tsk, now you must atone for it.

[He's just being a little shit now.]

[legbreakings]

I did think before I acted! I thought that I would throw this disgusting, insulting cake into the lake and tell our captors exactly what I think of it!

[ See? Perfect logic. ]

[porndealer]

You could have just yelled at them over the phone. I'm sure they're always listening.

[Ehhhh... don't know about that, chief.]

[legbreakings]

But it wouldn't have been as satisfying! And then I would have still been stuck with the insulting cake!

[ It had said sorry you're such a hateful person and really, that had dug too deep to remain reasonable. ]

[porndealer]

Well now you're stuck with demanding ducks.

[You lose some... you definitely lose all the time, Jiang Cheng.]

[legbreakings]

[ Rude! ]

You don't need to tell me that! I'm being accosted every time I leave the house!

[porndealer]

Have you asked them nicely to go away? Did you say please and thank you?

[legbreakings]

Why would I do that?! They're ducks! Rude ducks, at that! They quack me awake so early in the morning, even a Lan would be offended!

[porndealer]

This place is weird... it could work. Maybe. You never know till you try, Jiang-xiong.

[legbreakings]

Do you really think so? I suppose it could be worth a try... Maybe the ducks are as weird as everything here.

[porndealer]

It's worth a try.

... but if they bite you it's not my fault.

[legbreakings]

[ That earns Huaisang an outraged noise. ]

How is that not your fault! I'm following your suggestion!

[porndealer]

Jiang-Chennng.

[Huaisang whines exasperated now.]

I've given you many ideas! It's not my fault if they don't work! Do whatever or just ignore them. Maybe they'll get tired.

[legbreakings]

But how am I supposed to ignore them when they flock to me every time I leave the house? And they're quacking as soon as the sun rises! I'm going to turn into a Lan before this is over!

[ Great. Now they're both whining. ]

[porndealer]

Just pull out Zidian and scare them when they flock at you outside!

[Huaisang huffs.]

All this shouting about ducks is making me tired.

[legbreakings]

[ Jiang Cheng makes a strangled noise. ]

You are tired! What am I supposee to say then! The little beasts wake me up even earlier than at Cloud Recesses!

[porndealer]

Stuff your ears with something so you won't hear!

[legbreakings]

Why should I have to when I could just wring their feathery little necks instead!

[ If he could catch them, anyway. It's very theoretical neck wringing, considering it's a well-proven fact that it takes more than three cultivators to catch a single chicken, never mind a whole flock of ducks. ]

[porndealer]

You're making more noise than the ducks at this point!

[He's so tired of yelling about ducks now, Jiang Cheng. Please.]

If you do kill them could I have one? Roast duck sounds so good right now...

[legbreakings]

[ Well. That shuts him up. Kinda. He is busy fantasizing about roast duck. ]

I do like roast duck... I wonder if these would be juicy. We could have one roasted crispy, with a nice spicy sauce.

[ Oh no. Oh nooo. Now he's gone and made himself hungry. ]

[porndealer]

[You've made him hungry now! Terrible.]

That sounds so good... now my stomach is rumbling.

[legbreakings]

I wonder if I could bribe Jiejie to roast us a duck.

[ So! Hungry! ]

Hers is delicious. Mine is just charred.

[porndealer]

After hearing Wei-xiong talk about her lotus rib soup I can only imagine anything she makes is the best.

You're her brother, if you ask really nicely I'm sure she would.