backdated to February 19th, @Jiang.Wanyin

[legbreakings]

[ Watch and marvel, Vestige, your resident involuntary shitposting king has actually figured out how to Do A Thing with his phone.

There is a photograph attached to this message. ​]



[ Too bad he still hasn't figured out how to properly communicate on the network, because the message to go with the photograph just reads ]

Why?


[OOC: source

Comments

[cryingforever]

[ Yes. Please shout to the skittish girl. She gives out a wail before speaking. ]

How do I know you're telling the truth?! You're shouting at me! I made you angry and now I have to live with the consequences! I accept death but can you kill me nicely?

[legbreakings]

[ Why.

Whyyyy. ]

I'm not trying to kill you! Stop saying I'll kill you, you're going to get me in trouble with my sister and then I'll really want to kill you!

[cryingforever]

[ There is a look of triumph, albeit terrified triumph. ]

Y-you just admitted it was on your mind! It's because I'm useless, isn't it? Poor Bernie can't even die properly...

[legbreakings]

What!

[ ... ]

What!

I didn't admit to anything! Stop twisting my words around! Are you doing this on purpose! Are you trying to bully me!

[cryingforever]

[ Bernadetta starts to look more and more like a sad kicked puppy on the other end of the screen as the man continues shouting. Shouting always meant punishment at home after all and it's literally programed into her at the moment still. ]

I-I'm not doing anything on purpose! Y-you're the-- You're bullying me!

[ OH GODDESS SHE DIDN'T MEAN TO SAY THAT OUT LOUD. ]

[legbreakings]

[ WHAT!

WHAT!!!!

Jiang Cheng makes an outraged noise, which honestly sounds about like a cat that got its tail stepped on and isn't terribly dignified but. Details. ]

Who is bullying you! If I were bullying you I'd be breaking your legs!

[cryingforever]

[ Oh my goddess. WHY THIS? Why this mean man? ]

T-that's not bullying that's worse! That's hurting someone for real! [ Nevermind that she's shot bandits before, near tears of course, but she did it anyway. ] W-why are you breaking peoples' legs!?

[legbreakings]

I'm not! I'm just reminding them that I will, if they are idiots. It makes sure they think hard and make smarter decisions!

[ And sometimes it makes purple-haired girls cry. Whoops. ]

[cryingforever]

You're going to break my legs then!? Because I'm an idiot?

[ The teenager wails. ]

[legbreakings]

No! I'm not going to break your legs!

[ Hrmpf! ]

...not unless you don't stop wailing about me breaking your legs, anyway. Then I might be tempted.

[cryingforever]

[ Her wailing has stopped at least for the moment. Her eyes get the size of dinner plates. We are reaching new levels of panic on her face. ]

W-what!?

[legbreakings]

What what! Stop looking at me like I'm going to eat you!

[ Scowling. So much scowling. ]

[cryingforever]

[Bernie takes it the way she usually does - Off in the exact wrong direction. ]

You wouldn't want to anyway! I-I'm just skin and bones! Are you a mo-monster then?!

[ OH NO. ]

[legbreakings]

[ Jiang Cheng rears back physically. ]

What! [ he bellows, like the very un-monsterly unintimidating person he is. ] I don't eat people! I'm a cultivator! Not a man-eating monster! Or annoying girls-eating monster, I bet you taste bad anyway!

[cryingforever]

Eeeeeeeek! Please don't hurt me, scary gardener!

[ I mean, if he cultivates, that means he's a gardener or farmer, right???? ]

[legbreakings]

[ First a monster, now a gardener? He can't even decide which one is worse! ]

I'm not a farmer! Do I look like a farmer to you?!

[ Today is cursed. He should have stayed in bed. ]

[cryingforever]

You called yourself a cultivator! That's growing plants and things, right?!

[ Urge to flee...Rising. ]

[legbreakings]

Growing golden cores, if you're going to call it growing.

[ He heaves a sigh and tries to wrap that sect leader dignity around him, though he isn't feeling it much at all right now. ]

What we cultivate is our spiritual energy into forming a golden core; we cultivate our own bodies and minds. In very simple terms, the qi every living being has is cultivated into something which permits us to fly on swords or use talismans to cast spells, or heal faster than common people do.