( MERRY SHITSCRAM ) december 9th, 10:30 AM

[vestigemods]

( a post arrives on the network with no identification, much like the alerts regarding the visitors and the feast in late november. this one, luckily, is more like the latter than the former. )


etc etc.

So! Back in the good old days of Containment Zone Uno, we had some yearly holiday traditions. A little bit of cold, a little bit of potentially mortal injury, a little mistletoe, and some good old-fashioned magnanimous gift-giving. Unfortunately, we were unable to secure the mistletoe this year, something something flesh-eating accident down in Botany, but we're right on track with the rest.

Beginning with gifts.

HOW THIS WORKS: You tell us what you want. We give it to you. We give you the actual thing, not some fucked-up version that teaches you to be careful what you wish for.

HOW THIS DOESN'T WORK: You wishing to go home. You wishing to change your reality at home. You wishing to bring someone from home here. You looking a gift horse in the mouth by asking fifty questions and wasting our time. This is how you lose your wishing privileges, and then you'll be sitting there in bed thinking, "God, I wish I'd just shut up and asked for a unicorn."

WHAT CAN WE DO: Basically anything. We've given you 164 tubs of ice cream and made your arms rot right off their stumps. Just try us.

Offer closes in 72 hours.

( all wishes, once accepted, will arrive (in whatever form they take) on december 20th. )

Comments

un: bulliedbychildren

[lookslikeacinnamonroll]

Um, can my wish be that you spare us the mortal injury part?

I guess, failing that... I would like one of those goats from the mountain, but one that isn't mean.

[vestigemods]

Any gender/color preferences on that goat?

( which is to say: no luck, on the sparing everyone of mortal injury. had wen ning asked for himself (or even just one specific other person) to be spared, maybe it would've been on the table. )

un: jegerkaptein

[bearhole]

lifetime supply of first aid and/or ammunition for me and my crew.

[vestigemods]

Hoped we wouldn't have to hold your hand on this one, but we'll do it just this once: Are you sure you want to ask for a "lifetime supply"?

( considering the average lifespan here, that is. )

un: @jingyi!

[gusumouthcannon]

Hello terrifying technicians sirs and/or madams, may I please have a small, friendly dragon to help guard our cabin, please? Like a guard dragon that will only bite people I tell it to and is very friendly? Wei-qianbei cannot be around dogs and what if there's a ghost? Can it be a ghost-detecting friendly guard dragon??

[vestigemods]

Any preference on color, gender, number of horns? Fire-breathing or something more creative?

( genetics is going to have a field day. and by 'genetics', i mean 'the one single surviving member of the formerly robust genetics department'. )

un: @sadi

[singularwidower]

I would like to request a regular supply of the appropriate poisons and mixing reagents suitable for my constitution. It has been somewhat of a challenge keeping up with my poison production with the limited supplies.

If you're asking for truly ambitious requests, then I'd like also to add in a goodly amount of spidersilk, web frames, and other weaving supplies that I might once more be able to exercise the Black Widow arts.

[vestigemods]

Expect your delivery a couple of days before Christmas.

( because sure, they'll hand out some poison and silk. this one could be a lot worse.

all of the above will arrive on the 20th in respectable but not excessive quantities. the 'regular supply' of poisoning ingredients will arrive in the first few days of each month in a bundle on his doorstep, though the quantities are not quite as generous there. )

un: bombshell

[bombshelled]

can we get some decent fucking apps for these piece of shit phones? like games, social media, ANYTHING?

[vestigemods]

Expect a software update sometime before Christmas.

If you or anyone else has any app requests, speak now or deal with whatever we give you.

[legbreakings]

I want a shotgun, better than that of Geralt of Rivia.

[ Because Geralt found one and Joel said he isn't allowed one, so clearly he wants one out of spite. Even if he still doesn't know what they are good for, other than being very impractical bludgeoning tools. ]

If I can't have that, some nice sets of robes. Purple, of course.

[vestigemods]

Do you want this shotgun to be better in an understated sort of way, or should it say so directly on the barrel? Perhaps it makes verbal commentary about its superiority to Geralt of Rivia's shotgun every time it fires? Some sort of "Hot damn, I bet Geralt wishes his shotgun did this!"?

Just exploring our options.

Text - un: nie.huaisang

[porndealer]

[Hoboy, he does't trust this like he didn't trust the Thanksgiving thing either, but at least with this he doesn't have to go some place possibly murdery. Can just do it right over the phone.

Feels weird talking to the ones doing all of this to them.]

I would really like my arm back.
Please?

[vestigemods]

That's it? Just your arm?

@xiao.xingchen

[daozhangs]

To the Technicians,

I request only that you return to Song Zichen the ability to speak as he once could.

If you're able to restore limbs which have been lost, I believe you able to do this as well.

Sincerely,
Xiao Xingchen

[snowflicks]

Xingchen

@scout

[skittering]

don't let the kade in

doesn't matter if it will feed your gods. it's stronger than you think. you won't be able to stop it

( he's actually somewhat familiar with this holiday, thanks to asgard - but the technicians never specified what requests could be made, so here's his. )

[vestigemods]

Has anyone ever told you you're fantastically boring?

( literally nothing happens for lalli on the 20th, because he's boring. )

@jiangyanli

[soups]

I want to first thank you for the various positive opportunities you have presented here for my family and I. I know this may seem strange based on your ultimate goals, but I will be forever grateful for what good has come from certain times of suffering.

For my wish, my brothers here have outlived me in our own time and world. I don't know how it may be possible, but.

I had a son back home I only knew for a year. I would like to see him as my brothers had the chance to, if only in an image.

[vestigemods]

No one likes a suck-up.

Expect your delivery a couple of days before Christmas.

( but unlike most deliveries (except, perhaps, for sizhui's), hers comes the form of three brief but memorable dreams. one which she wakes up remembering vividly and with the distinct feeling in her gut that they must be real.

• first, a scene from when her son was very young, seen from jiang cheng's perspective.
  
• then, a scene from a little over a decade later from wei wuxian's perspective, in which that same boy learns how to win a brawl and gets some uncle-to-nephew advice.
  
• finally, a brief scene that both of them witnessed (but seen from an ambient floating point of view, like a ghost looking down from above), in which jin ling joins sizhui and ning in helping protect a room full of cultivators, fighting valiantly and refusing to back down.

maybe someone downstairs likes a suck-up after all. )

@cal.amari

[kinkprofessor]

A job.

Barring that, I'd like access to a bestiary of creatures at your disposal.
Samples (DNA, blood, bodily fluids/parts) from them would be ideal but I can accept just information.

[vestigemods]

Alright, we'll bite. A job of what kind?

Text - un: vivi.ornitier

[toosmall]

Hello again.

I don't really need anything, but I guess if you say you can could I have a deck of Tetra Master cards?

[A card game back from his world. Cards with pictures of monsters or great powerful weapons and summons. He wouldn't be able to play with anyone, but something from home would be nice regardless.]

Thank you very much!

[vestigemods]

Expect your delivery a couple of days before Christmas.

( on the 20th, vivi will find a brand new deck of tetra master cards on his doorstep. )

un: brick.master

[backpacking]

can we ask for animals?

oh, also: fuck you

@Jiang.Wanyin

[legbreakings]

Do you think it's wise to insult them when you are asking for a pet?

un: atlas

[theprezident]

[ He's not sure he actually believes that it won't be some 'be careful what you wish for' lessons, but considering the responses to some of these requests ...

Sure, okay. He'll bite. ]

Can I get an Atlas gun? The Multi-tap, to be exact.

[ Considering where he is, he doesn't exactly have the luxury of having other people do the shooting for him. At least his own weapons will also aim for him, so long as he can hit the first tracking shot. ]

[vestigemods]

Expect your delivery a couple of days before Christmas.

( on the 20th, rhys will find that very gun on his doorstep. )

@klaus.hargreeves

[channellings]

my wish is for lots
and i mean lots
of really good marijuana

[vestigemods]

Expect your delivery a couple of days before Christmas.

( on the 20th, klaus wakes up unable to exit his bed because the entirety of his room is full of stacked bags of weed. none of them have any sort of label or writing. guess it's time to smoke himself free. )

@lan.sizhui

[deferences]

It might seem silly to ask for something someone else already has but I, too, would like some robes from my homeworld. Or some that are similar? To perhaps go with a few happy memories from my childhood, if possible.

Should being gifted those be too difficult, however, I'll choose the robes. Which isn't to say I doubt what you can and cannot do, because I'm sure you can manage.

[he's honestly afraid to test this theory, to be quite honest, but here he is anyway.]

Re: @lan.sizhui

[vestigemods]

Expect your delivery a couple of days before Christmas.

( on the 20th, sizhui will wake up after a vivid dream - one which features 2-3 vivid memories from his childhood, from the perspective of his four-year-old self. though they came in a dream, he can recall them vividly once he's awake, and they seemed a little too real to be anything but memory.

the robes, of course, await on the doorstep with huaisang's robes and the goat and the tiny dragon. )

@nobodyspecial | TEXT

[lethechained]

[ Naminé is reluctant to speak up for a lot of the same reasons everyone else has to be leery of such a generous offer - which is why hers is one of the later messages, after she's already seen some responses and promises made. (It still takes her a few extra moments beyond that to work up the courage to hit send.) ]

If it's true that I was in a place called Asgard, then I would like proof.

[ But that's pretty broad, so-- ]

Some of the drawings that I made of it while I was there would be enough. [ It's not like there aren't a preposterous number of those to choose from, since she's a prolific artist pretty much anywhere she goes so long as there's paper (and sometimes even if there isn't). ] I'd be grateful to have even that much.

[ She's been a bit preoccupied about it lately, which might be why she follows this up with a belated, somewhat reluctant, ]

If that isn't possible, then I'd like to ask for a better way to learn spells.

[ Plumbing the depths of her memories of memories has been both painstaking and frustratingly rare to bear fruit. ]

[vestigemods]

Expect your delivery a couple of days before Christmas.

( on the 20th, naminé wakes to find three additional drawings tucked into her sketchbook as loose pages - drawings of your choice, but drawn by her hand and featuring asgard in some form. )

@monstrous

[thelesserevil]

Stregobor's head. On a platter.

[ Does she believe this whole your skeevy captors playing nice thing is for real? Nah. But either she gets her enemy dead or she gets something shitty that backfires, which she figures is gonna happen anyway. Worth it. ]

[vestigemods]

Expect your delivery a couple of days before Christmas.

( on the 20th, she'll find that very head on a silver platter on her porch and/or somewhere in the vicinity of where she's staying. )

@nobody, at basically hour 71.5 out of 72

[mannerless]

( if this is truly as it seems to be (a single request granted, no strings attached, no suffering necessary, no word-games or gimmicks), it's an unprecedented opportunity - and one not likely to be repeated, at least not soon.

and so wei wuxian spent the better part of a day mulling through options.

items are out - there isn't a single trinket, keepsake, or even spiritual item worth wasting this to gain. he has long since destroyed the stygian tiger amulet and wants no part of its return, nor does he have particular need of any of his journals or inventions.

memories, well. a-yuan asked for some of his own, and shijie asked to witness the future as well - and quite honestly, he can't think of anything better for them to have asked for. but the future will come for him one day, and what little bit of insight it could offer but lan zhan (or sizhui or wen ning) could not is hardly worth wasting this wish to glean.

he could change the rules. this option he considers for much longer than the prior two - he could ask that each death he dies guarantee a person of his choosing immunity from suffering for two months. he could ask for the house in which his siblings live be henceforth a sanctuary untouched by any manner of pain, suffering, or death inflicted upon the containment zone. he could ask that the means by which to fight, solve, or avoid a given month's suffering be delivered to him two weeks prior to said suffering, whether in object form or by way of a written note (with diagrams, he's quite fond of diagrams).

in fact, he wavers between those last two options until the third day dawns, and he wakes from a dream he can't recall with the concrete realization of what it is that he has to ask for.

but wei ying doesn't know how to contact the technicians privately, and he's inexplicably self-conscious about such a thing being seen and known - not by acquaintances, he couldn't care less what they think, but by people who understand. lan zhan. jiang cheng, perhaps sizhui. and so he waits until the absolute latest he possibly can, adjusts his network id, and says: )

You know what it is that I'm missing.

I'd like a new one. Not the old one back. A new one.

[vestigemods]

Expect your delivery a couple of days before Christmas.

( on the 20th, he wakes up with an itty bitty fledgling golden core. )

@lan.wangji

[taciturnly]

For Wei Ying never to come to harm again.

( simple, succinct and to the point! lan wangji knows rules, and nowhere has he seen that this wasn't allowed. your turn to deliver now. )

[vestigemods]

Expect your delivery a couple of days before Christmas.

( beginning on the 20th, wei wuxian literally can no longer sustain damage until such point as he canonupdates to mo xuanyu's body or some sort of event/horror-y happening ends up taking that away (by player choice). some nuances:

• he can still become ill and experience all of the symptoms of illness aside from those which actually damage or kill (e.g. if he gets the flu, he'd have the nausea/chills/weakness but his fever would never reach fatal levels).
  
  
• he can still feel pain if that pain doesn't require damaging him (e.g. getting punched in the face - he won't get a black eye or split lip, but it'll hurt at the moment), but if the pain requires damage (like getting cut), there's no damage and thus no pain.
  
  
• while he can't starve to death, dehydrate, drown, etc., he isn't immune to the lead-up and can experience every symptom up until the actual damaging/killing ones. (e.g. hunger so intense that it claws at him, desert-mouth and headaches from dehydration, etc are still fair game)

that's everything coming to mind right now, which i mostly just wrote for my own personal reference as wwx's player but whatever. )