(voice) un: brick.master (backdated to the 20th)

[backpacking]

This place has a whole lotta creepy shit, but you know what it doesn't have? Jokes.

[ Hello and Good Day: over the network comes the light, amused voice of a 15-year-old girl. ]

Figured it'd do us all some good to lighten the mood. Keeps the blood pressure down! Unless you're allergic to fun, or something, in which case, uh... I dunno. Tune me out?

Okay, first one. Let's get warmed up. If you're an American in the bathroom, and you're American when you come out, what are you when you're in there?

[ DRAMATIC PAUSE ]

European. [ ~ta-da~ ] Next one, and I'll let you chime in this time. Did you hear about the Italian chef who died?

Comments

voice; un: lan.sizhui

[deferences]

[he..... doesn't get it? but in sizhui's defense, he's from ancient china, so he's likely not going to understand any jokes ellie tells. no matter, however, curiosity killed the cat! oh, and he's not allergic to fun at all, especially harmless stuff like jokes.]

No, I didn't hear about that. What happened? How did they die?

[hopefully it wasn't here or else they're gonna have to start monster-hunting. which would be unfortunate, seeing as he's gotten used to it being (oddly) quiet.]

[backpacking]

[ It's okay, Sizhui; her jokes are............not great ]

They pasta-way.

[ ....... ]

Get it? 'Cause...

@connor / voice

[metanoias]

[ Connor is not a huge fan of puns. He's not wired for puns. His mind is too literal to fully appreciate clever wordplay.

That said, he'd been given a book as a gift once — The Rather Large Book of Puns — and he read it from cover to cover, as one does, so he does know a thing or two about jokes like how to deliver them as if he's delivering the daily news. No appreciation for the art. ]

I did. He pasta-way.

You could say he ran out of thyme.

[backpacking]

[ hello.....new best friend ]

Oh! Good one. [ Ellie is absolutely snickering, delighted to have at least one person here who'll humor her. ]

You know, that sounds pretty pre-pasta-rous. Did you hear the one about the pasta maker who followed in his father’s footsteps?

voice; un: joel.miller

[shivving]

[ ellie why. why do you do this. isn't it bad enough that you inflict this shit on him? who gave this child a platform. ]

I'm guessin' I haven't.

[ the real question is why joel keeps choosing to inflict this shit on himself. ]

[deferences]

[they're terrific and deserve proper appreciation! sorry she won't get it from him, but he can at least appreciate the effort since if he knew anything about italy and pasta, that'd be downright hilarious.]

Because... passed away? [isn't that what usually happens when people die???]

My apologies, I must not be understanding correctly.

[metanoias]

I didn't.

[ That one wasn't in his book. ]

Did he die too?

voice; un: @jiang.yanli

[soups]

❰ please forgive yanli, she isn't super in tune with traditional comedy methods. ❱

No, I didn't. But I'm so sorry for your loss.

❰ that seems the most appropriate thing to say. whatever the european (what is europe?) thing was, it's better to be safe than sorry, especially when death is being discussed. ❱

voice; un: @oa

[hierophante]

[The terse, inscrutable username accompanies the voice of a young woman, light with humour.]

He's... resting in pizza? No, I don't--

[There's a soft outrush of air, both amusement and concession, and the faint rustle of fabric as she shakes her head.]

I don't know. How does it go?

[In spite of the question, there's no real pause before she adds, humour dimmed but voice still warm:]

It's good of you to try to cheer everybody up.

[backpacking]

No, like - [ nothing better than jokes that you have to explain ] pasta...way. Like, he passed away, but - he's Italian, so. Pasta.

[ PLEASE say you get it now, my dude ]

[backpacking]

Nope. Just goes to show that the apple doesn’t farfalle from the tree!

[ :') ]

[backpacking]

[ HEY

HEY JOEL

ISN'T THE (pseudo) INTERNET GREAT ]

Heeeee pasta-way.

[ ba dum CHH ]

[backpacking]

Oh, no - [ Fortunately, she's already encountered one guy who didn't get her joke, so now she's ready to jump in with the explanation - ] Nobody really died. It's just a, um - a pun. Like, a joke.

[ Not a great one, apparently, but........she's trying. ]

[backpacking]

No, but that'd be pretty great.

[ There's another pause to let her try and solve again before she provides the answer: ]

Heeeeeeee pasta-way! [ Maybe she needs new material. ] Not a lot of people are getting it...

[ The bit at the end - a surprising addition of earnestness - humbles her a little. ]

I'm not doing anything. Just thought...y'know, a little humor might help? Somehow?

[hierophante]

Oh, no.

[She's chuckling, but in the slightly pained way one does when good-naturedly weathering a very bad joke.]

Mm. You're being kind. Kindness isn't nothing. I think we're all going to need it going forward, and that it might get harder to find. This is a good reminder. Thank you.

[OA sighs, soft, weary, wistful. These are burdens to lay aside for now. In the stillness, she wracks her memory. Jokes have been thin on the ground in her own life, but she still carries a few from... well, when she wasn't much older than Ellie is now.]

You hear the one about the man who woke up in the hospital after a heart attack?

[shivving]

[ why is this his LIFE ]

Uh huh.

[ He's just not going to give her any encouragement at all. Not that that's ever dissuaded her before. ]

What's "brick master" mean?

[backpacking]

Yeah...no problem. [ It's weird being thanked after she's just done what is basically a public disservice, but Ellie appreciates the sentiment all the same. ]

Uh...no. [ OA can hear in her voice that she perks up a little when she hears the beginnings of a joke. ] What about him?

[backpacking]

[ u literally signed up for it, bro

It's fortunate that he can't see her reaction, as her face falls a little. Right. Was asking for that one, probably, but somehow it hadn't occurred to her that he'd notice and ask. ]

Oh, just some joke back from the Boston QZ. Before we met.

[ She's mentioned Riley to him, of course, but...not much. ]

[hierophante]

Mm. So a man wakes up in a hospital, having had a heart attack, and sees his wife sitting at his bedside. She notices he's awake and she says, "Jesus, Kevin; I thought you'd died. They said that while you were in the ambulance, your heart stopped."

[There's no seeing how animatedly OA is talking, the gestures and facial expressions she's mimicking, but some of it can be heard in her voice. She places emphasis carefully, does the voices -- it might be inferred that she tells better stories than she does jokes, and that inference would not be inaccurate.]

And he clutches her arm and says, "I know! Sue, I saw myself. I was floating above my body, and there was this... light, this tunnel of light. I followed it up, and up, and up, and at the end of it, there was this... place. So bright."

[There's genuine awe in her voice.]

"There were people, thousands of them. Mom and dad were there. Mom was wearing that red dress she loved so much; she looked so good! But oh, God, Sue: dad was just walking around in his underwear. I was so embarrassed, I just about died."

[In retrospect, maybe the punchline wasn't that good. OA chuckles, much more at herself than at the joke.]

No, okay, that one's awful.

[shivving]

[ don't remind him ]

Yeah? [ He's curious, enough so to push even though she's clearly trying to brush it off. ] You build a lotta houses back in that school?

[deferences]

[oh, this is surely painful for ellie—

and unfortunately, sizhui still doesn't quite get the joke, but watch him smile, nod then offer the faintest chuckle anyway.] The Italian and pasta have something in common then, I'm assuming.

[backpacking]

[ She listens through the whole thing, cringing over time as she anticipates a terrible punchline (the best and only kind of punchline).

After that, Ellie snorts, shaking her head, unseen. ]

Amazing. You were right: it was bad. [ But she laughs anyway, pleased. ] Thanks for contributing to the crappy joke fund, ma'am.

[backpacking]

Uh, no. [ pls ] It was a game. The goal is to throw the most bricks through windows of old cars. If you smash more than the other person, you're the brick master.

[ And they have to answer one question honestly, though not everyone played by those rules. ]

[backpacking]

Yeah, they...sorta invented pasta. [ There's a pause, and then a weak chuckle. ] Uh, never mind. It's okay.

[ Never mind as she scrambles to try and think of another one - ]

You know what pasta is, though, right?

[soups]

Oh, thank goodness.

❰ she did have a certain suspicion, but it seemed better to err on the side of caution. but! now it feels rude to ruin the moment. ❱

Do you have another? I bet that one would make me laugh.