voice/video; @astromech (forward dated to Jan 16th)

[droide]

[ Her voice comes through first, as she fiddles with settings on her phone, grumbling as she does so— a voice that sounds like it's coming through a mechanical filter, with a metallic hum behind it. One might assume that there's something wrong with her microphone. ]

What in the Maker...? Who designed this comm unit? It doesn't even have a holo function! Where is the bloody... Ah, there we go.

[ Finally, she manages to turn the camera on, and one can see that the reason her voice sounds like it's coming through a vocoder is because, well... It is. ]

Yes, hello, I've read your entirely unhelpful pamphlet. On paper, no less. How primitive! There's only one part of it I find even remotely interesting, and that is, why is the moon haunted? What is it haunted by? Why has no one gone up there to put an end to the hauntings? It's only a few hundred thousand kilometers, judging by what I can see of it, give or take some, depending on the moon's size.

[ Look, she's the best navigator in the galaxy, but there's only so much you can do by eyeballing it. She needs sensors, readouts, data, something! ]

And another thing. While trying to access the communication function on this horrid little device, I found what appears to be a dating profile? For me, about me, definitely not written by me. And just to head off any potential takers— unless you're inorganic, I'm not interested, so you can stop such foolish notions right there.

Now. If someone could direct me to the nearest hot oil bath, it would be appreciated. This cold weather is hell on my circuits.

Comments

Video | un: song.zichen

[snowflicks]

[He's got a lot of questions. Usually non-human things that move around like this tend to be uh. Possessed. This thing does seem very sentient though.]

The only oils I have knowledge of are in the large building in the town east of here. Its called Foodland.

[A pause, then-]

I mean no offense, but may I ask what you are?

[droide]

[ Oh, good. There is someone listening on the other end of this comm network, after all.



Someone entirely unhelpful, but someone nonetheless. ]

I'm not looking for cooking oils.

[ Surely that much should be obvious. As should the answer to his question. ]

Have you never seen a droid before?

[snowflicks]

[He's trying, he really is, promise.]

Forgive my ignorance, but I don't even know what a droid is. You are the first I have seen as far as I know.

Foodland may still have what you need. It does not just carry food.

[droide]

Well, now you know what a droid is.

[ What an odd, backwater planet this must be, to have never seen or heard of a droid. ]

I'll give Foodland a peek, I guess. Thanks for the tip.

[snowflicks]

[If you think this place is backwater, you'd hate where he's from.]

Mm. You are welcome.

[legbreakings]

[ First the repeat of last year's rotting fun. Then the monkey. Now this... talking metal thing. He is a joke to the technicians! ]

What is wrong with this place?! It has always been weird but it's getting too much now!

[droide]

[ Her head tilts at an angle that suggests she is somewhat offended. ]

Who are you calling weird, weirdo?!

[legbreakings]

[ What! Who! How dare!!! ]

I'm not weird! You are a talking metal armor! What kind of misbegotten wicked tricks experiment are you?!

[droide]

The only thing about this interaction that's "wicked" are the misinformed, offensive assumptions you're making! Calling me armor, an experiment. How dare you! Who are you to judge me?!

[thelesserevil]

Inorganic, huh? That's one way to answer my question how you ended up with such an unusual suit of armor.

[ Which is strange, yeah, but not stranger than the entire concept of this place. Or the weirdness that is her own life. ]

I don't know about an oil bath but there's a lake if water will do.

[droide]

Armor? [ Her tone of voice implies she finds the assumption somewhat funny. ] No, no, no. This is all me. There's no squishy organic hiding inside my chassis.

And water will absolutely not do. Are you trying to kill me?!

[thelesserevil]

I don't know. I figured a nice good scrub would be enjoyable? But never mind that then.

[ She shakes her head slightly. ]

You're saying you... there is nobody inside this metal frame? That is you?

[droide]

You're obviously from some kind of backwater planet that's never seen a droid before, so I'll be gentle. Water and electronic components do not mix. If I tried to give myself a "nice good scrub" in the lake, I would short out and die. Probably in quite a large explosion.

[ That part might be an exaggeration, but whatever. ]

And yes, this is me. One hundred percent, custom-built me.

video. @r.o.s.i.e.

[r_o_s_i_e]

[ Imagine, if you will, the other robot lady in this place perking up like a puppy at all this technical speak. That voice, those terms, her everything- It's exciting! For as much as R.O.S.I.E. adores organic species, she admits it's been a bit lonely without fellow AI companionship.

And she seems much nicer than R.Y.U.O., which is... saying a lot, honestly. ]

You know, I wondered that myself too! Unfortunately, the technology here is too basic to permit interstellar travel. I think - next to you, now! - I might be the most advanced thing here.

I can help with your circuits too. I need to maintain my own, after all.

[droide]

[ Elthree leans in close to her device's screen, scanning every pixel of the display with her optic.

No. This won't do. ]

Oh, my poor dear... What have they done to you?

[r_o_s_i_e]

[ To that, she gives an uncertain tilt of her head as her smile wanes but doesn't quite leave. ]

Nothing, as far as I know! Everyone here has been extremely welcoming and kind.

[droide]

Then... It's not the Technicians' fault you're stuck looking like that?

[ Said indelicately as though looking human is the utmost misfortune. ]

video; @sadi

[singularwidower]

When you say inorganic—

[He halts himself. To openly question her decisive preferences could give her the wrong idea.]

To clarify, I am not interested in sex with you. [Daemon's view of 'dating' might be skewed.] I am merely curious as to the term you used. When you say inorganic, what do you mean?

[droide]

[ Seriously, how dim are the humans of this dusty little ball of rock?

Elthree raises her hand and raps her knuckles against the surface of her domed head, making a metallic ringing sound. ]

Inorganic. Not made of flesh and blood, or any other serosanguinous fluid of your choice. Strictly speaking, droids.

[singularwidower]

[Daemon's eyebrows wing upward at the sound of metal on metal.]

Well. [He is not used to being surprised and this...this is surprising.] You have the dubious pleasure of being the first droid I've made the acquaintance of. My world does not contain, ah, inorganic sapients.

[droide]

I'm beginning to get the sense that that's the case for a lot of you lot here. It's odd for me to consider. The galaxy I'm from has had droids living alongside organics for thousands of years.

[Video, @atlas]

[theprezident]

[ A robot that actually looks like a robot! That's the first one he thinks he's seen since he left Promethea. ]

Oil is unfortunately a very scarce resource here.

[droide]

Nope. Don't like the sound of that. Don't any of you lot have any good news to tell me?

[ At least there's one person who isn't asking her what the kriff she is. ]

[theprezident]

I think that would kind of ruin the purpose of this place.

[ He's gotchu. ]

[droide]

Right, yeah. Pain and suffering. Satisfy the old gods. That boring old speech.

Don't see what their religion has to do with my busy schedule.