video/text (@cock.stealer)

[taciturnly]

( on the screen, the upper body of a regal-looking man, clad in white and pale blues, a ribbon around his head. on his shoulders, cocks, particularly fat and of the feathery kind, ominously staring into your soul. there’s a few cuts on the man’s cheek, bleeding dots on his neck—despite the additional rooster suddenly crowning his head, lan wangji looks impressively unperturbed, but if you squint, you might catch the light flare of his nostrils every time he breathes in, or the faint twitch in his left eye. low clucking sounds indicate there might be more, one stray feather gracefully spat out the moment he parts his lips on a measured sigh.

look at all those chickens. at least a dozen as the camera zooms in and out, and then the video ends, a text message instead. )

If these are yours, please come and fetch them. So long as you do not loiter, they will remain unharmed.

My name is Lan Wangji. You will find me by an old mill, near the mountain.

Comments

text; un: lan.sizhui

[deferences]

[listen... listen, he would've answered in a video, but the fact he's absolutely laughing so hard that his face is turning red might not be the best moment to greet him. so, text is what he gets, feverish and enthusiastic nevertheless because his other dad is here. how is that not cause for some excitement?]

Hanguang-jun, you're here! And you've already made some friends, it seems... [stop laughing, you fool!]

Don't hurt the chickens too badly! There's a very likely chance they don't belong to anyone, so they might just be wild.

un: luusi

[grief]

I’m so disappointed. 💀💀💀💀 I see cock stealer and I expect someone’s cutting off some dicks LMAO

Unless you do both ? PLEASE TELL ME YOU DO BOTH

On a side note, I’ll take these particular cocks off your hands!!!

not here

[mannerless]

( oh.

oh shit.

have you ever had half of your body just totally freeze in place while the other half tries to fling itself across the various miles between you and an abandoned mill full of cocks? he wouldn't recommend it. it feels a lot like nausea.

it feels a lot like having nothing even resembling a clue on how to face the man who begged him not to die.

he's just going to.... close this and figure it out later. lan zhan will still be here later. sizhui definitely wouldn't roll in and totally out him being here. he's too soft to commit that kind of betrayal. )

[taciturnly]

( wow. you’re def getting that sense of humor from your other dad. how dare. but forget the chickens. sizhui is here, a reality both terrifying and relieving. but these fat cocks won’t keep lan wangji from texting him back, even as they aggressively peck his face and his fingers. )

Sizhui.

Are you safe?

[taciturnly]

I beg your pardon?

There was no theft. I walked by. They assaulted, and followed.

[grief]

Love if you are a cock stealer please own the title

Steal as many cocks as you please, the world is your cock mine!!! 🍆🍆🍆🍆🍆🍆🍆🍆

[taciturnly]

( WHAT IS GOING ON. )

Hanguang-jun. My honorary title. ( see. nothing to do with cock stealing. )

[taciturnly]

( yes, but cocks weren't involved at the time. or mills.

only a cliff. )

text; un:jingyi

[gusumouthcannon]

HANGUANGJUN

[That's it. That's the text.]

[grief]

omg your username is cock.stealer

I’m being catfished RN

DO YOU OR DO YOU NOT STEAL COCKS OF SOME KIND????????

un: jiangyanli

[soups]

❰ previously, jiang yanli was actually somewhat hopeful lan wangji might arrive, which did instill some guilt in her heart. for as many things as this place had taken from them, it gave cultivators so much freedom. how he may deal with that as a pious disciple was a mystery to her, but everyone else seemed to be taking it as well as they could, perhaps some feeling more lackadaisical than usual.

unfortunately, now is...not a great time. a-xian has so recently resurrected, and in such an emotional state...perhaps lan wangji is exactly what he needs, but she hopes that will be left for him to decide.❱

greetings, lan-gongzi. I think your face needs tending to.

[taciturnly]

( .......it does ring a particularly vague bell but. no way. he wouldn't.

..........would he???? )

A mistake.

I do not partake in theft of any kind.

[grief]

Oh so do you buy cock then?

I don’t judge 🙈

[taciturnly]

( ANOTHER DUCKLING WHY. )

Jingyi?

[deferences]

[well, yes, but let's not forget who his best friend is! jingyi's only been the worst best influence, after all. he consideringly tips his head, lifts an eyebrow and contemplates how to answer such a question. is he safe? for the most part, but other people around him... mmmn.]

Yes, I'm fine.

Would you like some help with your chickens?

[taciturnly]

( freedom... and life, apparently. freshly arrived, lan wangji's only had a few days to come to terms with... whatever this is. oddities aren't exactly foreign, but this is something else, another world, a different reality.

an impossible possibility. how...? )

Jiang-gūniang?

[taciturnly]

No meat.

[gusumouthcannon]

Yes!!!! You shouldn't be here, but I am glad you are! There were ghosts last month and it was horrible! What are you doing by the mill? You should come to the cabin by the lake!

@cal.amari

[kinkprofessor]

While they aren't mine, I'd be more than happy to take some off your hand.

It's a pleasure to meet you Lan Wangji, despite your current predicament with cocks.

[taciturnly]

( remember, sizhui, a lie by omission is still a lie!! )

No need.

Where do I find you? ( and in the meantime, he'll evade them somehow. if they could just stop following him. )

[taciturnly]

Unnecessary, if you do not own them. My predicament remains insignificant.

What may I call you?

@wei.wuxian, slightly more here

[mannerless]

( so he definitely closed it, just as planned.

and then reopens it. and then closes it again. then reopens it yet again. this happens perhaps five separate times over the course of as many minutes. he's not even positive why. just... to prove that lan zhan's really here, maybe. standing there, looking very much at the end of his last thread of patience (oh, pardon me, """unperturbed"""). if he were a fake, if he were some horror cooked up by those who've brought them here, it would be in a much different state than the one-man henhouse wei ying sees on the screen before him. the man is a clear victim of circumstance like any of the rest of them.

wei ying still doesn't know what to do with that. he closes the post again with an discontented huff, but the gesture is careless and therein lies his mistake. a single slip of his thumb and - )

m

( 🚨 FUCK 🚨 )

[deferences]

[but he's not lying, he is totally fine, just... a little guilt-ridden that he'd mentioned hanguang-jun showing up, how he almost wished it wouldn't happen and then here he is!]

Right now? I'm currently at the food store in town, gathering some supplies.

I could come outside and wait for you where you'll be able to find me easier. [with snacks to possibly distract the chickens.]

Text - un: nie.huaisang

[porndealer]

[Oh no. Oh boy. That sure is Lan Wangji. No one could confuse him for anyone else! Huaisang isn't sure if this is a good thing or not to be honest. It's so strange how many of them are here from home now... does it mean his brother will show up here soon too? Though if we're technical isn't Wangji his "brother" via sworn brother nonsense?]

Lan-gongzi! When did you get here?

Oh they probably don't belong to anyone actually... did they all attack you?

[The mighty Hanguang-jun, mobbed by a flock of cocks.]

[grief]

that is I think the most boring response you could have offered. I’m literally angry that cock.stealer turned out to be a puritan SNOOZE

But if you really don’t want any meat (( the jokes write themselves )) how much do you want for the plentiful cocks in your possession?

(( shit I never thought I would say LOL ))